Chocolate-filled Messages

I just walked up to my mom's fridge and saw a little piece of foil held to the door with a magnet.  Upon closer examination I saw that it is a Dove chocolate wrapper.  If you have eaten a Dove chocolate before, you have probably had the pleasure of discovering that when you unwrap the chocolate, there is a message printed on the inside of the foil.  This one says:

"You are never too old to learn something new." 

So, there you go.  Is there something that you've always wanted to do or learn but never had the courage?  Is there something that you should learn to reach a goal?  Is there something that you had never thought of before but that all of a sudden you are curious about?  Is that 'something new' learning about yourself and what will make you feel fulfilled in life?  Whatever it is, go for it!

The Positive Side of the Scale

I recently wrote that life happens the way it happens, not the way it is supposed to happen.  Then just a few hours ago I was walking along a street near my hotel in Barcelona, enjoying the warm spring air and the last of the daylight while pondering where to eat, when I realized that life is composed of scales.  There are scales of happiness and of purpose are among (I am sure) many other sorts of scales.  We periodically measure things such as pleasure and pain on a scale from one to ten, so why not measure the balance of life on a scale, too.  

Yes, life sometimes happens to you, but you can also happen to your life.  It is the balance between the controllable and the uncontrollable.  A portion of that, which relates especially well to the uncontrollable, is one's attitude.  However, what about the controllable?  Are we to let life happen to us without even trying to shape it according to what moves each one of us?  It would be pointless for me to be writing this blog if I subscribed to that fatalistic view of the world.  On the contrary, just like life happens to us, we can also take control and decide what we want to do with our energy, talent, and time and in turn create an action that has an effect on that scale of purpose.

Take my day today.  Really it started yesterday with about 300 passengers boarding my plane, many of them destined to get off that plane and get on a cruise ship.  The cruise passengers are the worst.  It's not that cruises are bad things, but they set up a mentality that simply does not work on an airplane.  Let's start with the basic concept.  A cruise ship is a vacation spot, whereas an airplane is just the vehicle that transports you to your vacation spot.  Big difference, people! Unfortunately, the cruise passengers always fail to notice this staggering difference in purpose and expect that they should be able to mill about and stretch and have me entertain them with witty remarks, and drink and eat until they've had their fill and ask and receive what they want exactly when they want it.  They completely ignore that while they are asking for their third glass of wine and an extra brownie, there might still be 172 passengers that have not received a meal or a beverage at all.  Long story short, I was stuck with them for about eight hours overnight with about an hour and a half set aside for my break.  After working through the night, I walked into my hotel room, put on my pajamas, and went into the kind of sleep that could very well have been a coma for about five hours.  In theory, I could have probably slept more.  I definitely could have just stayed in my hotel room and bummed around.  Instead, I decided to venture out.

No matter how exhausted I am, I took this job to travel and enjoy different parts of the world, not to stay in my hotel room.  I threw on some jeans and a t shirt, grabbed my purse (took out the USD wallet, put in the one containing a few Euros saved from my trip to Athens a week or two ago), and walked out the door.  I had no idea where I was headed; I just turned down a street that I had never explored before and started walking.  First, I found a grocery store.  Though I walked in and was tempted to buy wine and cheese, I decided to save the money for my vacation to Italy and just find a small place to grab a bite.  Then I found a bakery, where I saw the most delicious looking frozen pastry just calling my name.  I bought it, of course, along with a "palmera" (which I think in English is called an Elephant's Ear) for breakfast tomorrow morning.  I then walked across the street to a small park where I sat on a bench and tackled what turned out to be an enormous pastry.  It was like a giant flaky donut shaped ice cream sandwich and it had frozen whipped cream filling in plain cream and chocolate flavors.  As I bit into it some of the flaky pastry fell on my sleeve and I brushed it off onto the ground.  Less than a minute later there were a few pigeons approaching me.  Then I noticed between the pigeons another bird.  It was a bit smaller than the pigeons and green in color.  When it got closer I realized it was a type of parrot!  I thought maybe it was someone's pet and was lost but then another appeared.  Then I thought maybe the person kept two parrots and somehow left the cage open.  I thought to myself, 'they are probably wild, but I won't know for sure unless I spot a third one.' Right then a third one flew over from a nearby tree.  I sat very still and held a piece of pastry between my outstretched fingers.  The first parrot came close but then lowered its head, hesitating.  I dropped the flake and it hurriedly took it in its beak and took flight, landing a few yards away.  I continued to share my pastry with the parrots until there was none left.  I managed to capture a picture before my camera battery died and then I continued my journey.

Next, I found a small chapel that belongs to a school.  I walked in (I can't really pass by an open church without walking in because I always feel that finding an open church is an invitation from God to come in and visit with Him) and prayed for a few minutes.  I think there was going to be Mass soon, but I didn't feel like God needed me to stay that long and I was feeling a bit restless, so I stepped out and continued walking.  Then I saw, across the park where I encountered the parrots, a little restaurant.  What caught my attention was that the restaurant's logo was a very simple image of an owl.  I don't know why an owl enticed me so much, but I walked into Gufo and enjoyed a delicious dinner for less money than I would have spent at the grocery store.  I drank a café con leche (Spanish coffee with hot milk and lots of sugar), ate an asparagus tortilla (it's sort of like an omelet) with salad, patatas bravas (fried potatoes with a spicy tomato mayo sauce), and tomato toast (they actually rub tomato onto the toast).  All the while, I enjoyed thinking about my project, reflecting on my day of adventure, and even read a few pages of the Italian children's novel that I am trying to decipher, entitled "La Bambina in Fondo al Mare." 

That is when I realized two things.  First, I have very little self control.  Second, a day that could have just been average or OK was just rescued and turned into a beautiful day.

The self control thing has to do with the fact that I should be reading a lot more Italian than I am at the moment in preparation for my vacation next month and, with the exception of tonight's dinner,  I cannot seem to put down Gretchen Rubin's book "the Happiness Project," which I am supposed to be saving for May 1st.  The second realization, however, is at the heart of the scales of purpose and happiness.  It shows that even beyond putting on a good face to neutralize a day full of things that you can't control that tip the scale towards the negative side, sometimes you can take action and do something to tip the scale back towards the positive side. 

How do you measure happiness and purpose?  What action do you take when you want to tip the scale to the positive side?

Make Every Day Happen On Purpose

I'm sitting in our crew lounge at JFK waiting to brief and fly off to Barcelona, but in the couple of minutes I have left to wait I wanted to make a note of a realization I had while in the car driving here.  I was sitting there just enjoying the beautiful spring breeze when I remembered that I had not written a blog entry yet today.  Then I realized that ever since I started writing this blog, I've been living on purpose.  Every day I've had my goal in the forefront of my mind and at the base of my actions.  Let me tell you, life is so much more enjoyable when you don't just let it carry you along.  I feel like I have more energy and my days seem so much longer.  I get so much more done because even if the task seems unimportant in and of itself, I see how it fits into the puzzle that I am creating and how doing or not doing it will affect the rest of my "on purpose" actions and day.  Just this morning I got a huge amount of laundry done, the common areas of my apartment neatened (I was afraid if I didn't move my piles of random things, my poor roommate would be tempted to throw them out the window soon), I paid my rent and my credit card bill, repacked my luggage, and even made my bed!  If I had not been doing these things with a higher goal in mind, I never would have gotten two of them done, let alone all of them. 

By golly, I think I've finally got it!

Supposed-To-Be's

Happy Easter!

I hesitated for a moment before deciding to pause my blogging to celebrate the Easter Triduum, but I am very glad I did.  People can recommend left and right that I write a blog entry every day but, I have to remember that this whole project is about finding out more about me and embracing the things that are important to me and finding in them the path that my life is meant to take.  It's not that I don't care about anyone else, but as much as I am eager to hear your feedback and comments on your own goals and experiences, the point of this blog is for me to share my personal journey and for you to share your personal journey, not for me to fit into a "blogger hov lane," following rules and churning out a generic (and I would think boring) blog.  I don't even really know what a blog is supposed to be exactly.  However, I learned from a close friend that there really aren't any "supposed to be's" in life.  Life happens the way it happens, not the way it is supposed to happen. 

And that is basically the heart of what I've discovered over the last few days.  We need to embrace who we are and stop worrying about who we are supposed to be.  This reminds me of the first exercise in one of the books I plan on working with through this project (I Can Do Anything), wherein the reader draws a picture or makes a collage of him or herself with things that represent who they are expected (by the people close to them) to be.  It is funny to read the descriptions of some of the pictures the author has seen people put together for this exercise because they combine things that are highly difficult, if not impossible, to achieve all at the same time.

For me, one of the moments when I realized something about who I am came when I was at the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday.  I was prayerfully trying to listen to the homily, especially since I was there to celebrate my close friend's Confirmation and First Communion; and yet, one thought pervaded my brain.  I could deliver the same homily so much better.  Don't get me wrong, I am not talking about women priests or judging the content of the priest's homily.  I am simply saying that if I had read through his homily once or twice, I could have delivered it better than he did.  We already know that I like to read and write and talk, and right then I remembered that I enjoy and am good at speaking in public, too.  I felt badly about looking down on the priest's delivery of a homily, but I was happy to rediscover a part of who I am that I had overlooked for quite a while.

So, as May draws nearer, I become increasingly anxious about whether or not I can keep up with the demands that I set for myself in planning the structure of this project and whether or not May was the right month to begin the project, but also increasingly excited about the prospects that lie ahead.  I look forward to getting to know myself better.

What kind of experiences do you have with who you feel you are supposed to be compared to who you are?  Have you found what you want to do in life?  Do the people that you respect and care for the most see why you chose what you did or do you feel pressured that you are supposed to be doing something different?

THE Plan

After much thought about how I should shape this journey that I am embarking on, I had a revelation and finally have a structured plan to work with.  I've been reading Gretchen Rubin's "the Happiness Project," and realized that it is important to have a plan.  While she did a lot of research on happiness first and then took a year to implement and test what she had found by means of monthly focus points and resolutions, I will actually be spending my year conducting the research and working on finding how it all applies to my life.

I will begin on May 1st, 2011 and finish sometime between May 1st and May 18th, 2012.

I categorized all of the books that I'll be working with based on the way that I will use them.  There are books that I will need to work with, whether through exercises given in the book or simply through careful reflection.  There are other books that I can simply read through and find some conclusions without requiring any extra work on my part.  Those are the main divisions that will shape the structure of my search.

Every month I will work with one "work" book.  As there are more books that do not require work, and because they do not require work, I will read one "reading" book every three weeks. 

I'll share with you my discoveries as I go along, as well as anything else that I come across that ties into this general theme.  I will also write, after finishing each book, a little summary of what I gathered from the book.

At the end of the year (that time between May 1st and May 18th) I will take some time to have a little retreat to reflect on everything that I learned over the course of the year and discern what it means for the future long-term as well as deciding what my next step should be.  If you are wondering why I chose May 18th, be curious no more.  May 18th is my birthday, which gives me a good incentive to learn something and grow somehow in the time between now and then.

It will be difficult to stay on track with more than two books every month in addition to my full time job and personal relationships, but it is a task that I am ready to take on, and the end result will be well worth the effort.  In order to set myself up for success, I will be spending the last few days of April trying to organize the chaotic parts of my daily life (such as organizing my closet).  I have decided to add one "work" book to the list of books that I posted the other day, and that will be a book on time management.  I'll start with that book in the hopes that it will help me to squash my procrastination problem and enable me to make it through this project without getting too frazzled.

I'd just like to make a note that, being a strong Roman Catholic, I will be celebrating Holy Week and Easter over the next few days, so I may not be posting then.  You can absolutely expect a post by next week, though! And, if you have any good tips on time management, procrastination, project management, or you'd like to embark on your own search at the same time as me, please leave a comment.  I'd love the company if you decide to start your own crazy journey with me!

Oh! I almost forgot.  I have read about a couple of books on time management, but have not yet decided on one.  Do you know of a book that you loved that tackles this subject?  If you do, please let me know!  Thanks for any suggestions, and many thanks for reading!

A Disappearing Act and a Revelation

So, I've been gone from this for a few days.  I meant to post and mention that I would be away with no internet, but then I was running late for work (surprise, surprise) and just didn't get to it.  I was in Athens for work and it was absolutely delightful.  I just got back today and I am terribly exhausted, but I couldn't wait to write and let you in on what happened while I was there. 

First of all, the weather was supposed to be cold and rainy but it turned out to be a gorgeous sunny day.  In the shade it was a bit nippy but, overall, I thoroughly enjoyed the weather.  Some highlights of the trip included getting lost and finding the cutest little neighborhood on the side of the hill where the Parthenon and the Acropolis are.  It was just what you imagine Greece to be like: tiny white plaster houses with blue shutters and walkways that are so small that you wonder if you can make it through and if it's really a public walkway or if you'll end up in some old granny's kitchen getting yelled at or (my personal dream) getting invited to dinner.  I did take a few pictures, so as soon as I get them on the computer I'll post a couple.  In any case, it is certainly hard to think about ever quitting this job when you're enjoying tzatziki with fried zucchini and Greek salad on a rooftop terrace overlooking a piece of ancient Greece on one side of you and a sprawling city full of cars and people and technology on the other. 

After my day out in Athens, though, I had a very interesting night.  Since I had gone straight out with another coworker (instead of taking the usual Flight Attendant nap after working the ten hour flight overnight to get there) I got back to my room totally exhausted.  I took a bath, which consisted mostly of me falling asleep in the tub, and then tried to read but immediately fell asleep with my book in hand and my head laying on a pillow wet from having washed but neglected to dry my hair.  Then, an hour later, I woke up.  I went back to sleep.  Another hour passed and I awoke again.  I fell back asleep.  By the time I woke up the third time, with (oddly enough) exactly one hour having gone by each time, I decided that I had to do something about it.  I had been dreaming something strange where I was running around in Greece, but for some reason I was very frazzled.  I could not remember anything else about the dream once I woke up, but somehow my thoughts turned quite easily to my self searching project.  I tugged my notebook, notepads, and pen onto the bed and began to make all sorts of notations everywhere.  Lists and thoughts were being scribbled furiously onto the pages before my eyes, as though my hand had been taken over by something that was not a part of me.   Two and a half hours after the writing began, my eyes began to feel tired again.  I noticed the time and noticed that I did not have too many hours left to sleep before it would be time to get ready to work the flight back to New York.  I put everything away, put on my sleep mask, said a prayer, and fell fast asleep until I received my wake up call. 

So, now I have a pretty good idea of what shape my self searching project will take on.  I suppose you never know when inspiration will hit you.  You just have to be ready for it.  In the meantime, although I am so tempted to pull out my notebook and tell you what the plan I have concocted consists of, it is pretty late and for my body it feels even later.  I know that if I get too far into this my brain will start racing again and I need to avoid starting that right before bed, so I'm afraid if you want to know more you will have to wait. 

They tell me that patience is a virtue.  ;o)

43 Things and a Note on Shape

I just opened an automated email from the website www.43things.com.  This website provides a place for people to record what their goals and resolutions are and keep track of your progress in achieving them.  I heard about it last December and went a little bit crazy.  I wrote up 32 different resolutions, closed the window, and promptly forgot all about it.  When I opened the email today I was sure that I would find a list of things that I had failed to accomplish so far this year.  To my surprise, I found that I have either kept or made plans towards 16 of my 32 resolutions, which (interestingly since it happened completely by chance) is exactly 50 percent.  So, here we are, only four months into 2011 and I've kept half of my resolutions without even consciously thinking of them as such.  My favorites among the resolutions I've managed to keep are:

-Start a blog.
-Worry less about what others think of me and more about what I want for myself.
-Find out what I want to do with my life.
-Go on a vacation/pilgrimage (I am going to Rome with a close friend next month).

It was a huge boost to see that the things I thought about as being important in December have really infused themselves into my daily life.  I still have no concrete plans to "see the northern lights," cannot say I have any direct power to ensure that I "get published" and don't think that the people staying in rooms in the vicinity of my hotel rooms would appreciate hearing me "learn how to play the flute," but those are things that are lower in importance than the things I have already started doing.

"Get in better shape" made the list, too, but almost out of a sense of obligation more than a sense of passion.  I'm sure my friend Laura will continue to invite me to races and workouts and send me the occasional email about the health benefits of a certain food, but I cannot say that I will ever pursue this goal with as much energy or passion as the goal of finding out what I want to do with my life.  (Don't worry Laura, it is one of the things that I love about you, because it is so much a part of who you are).
Besides, on a rather huge side note, I really do believe that when you find where you are meant to be in life that your appetite and eating habits fall into place on their own (to an extent).  I think that a lot of people (myself included) eat to fill a hole in our lives.  We eat out of a sense of boredom, dissatisfaction, frustration, and even fear.  We eat because we are tired of moving in the direction in which our life has somehow progressed.  The truth is, however, that food does not provide the sort of energy that relieves that sort of exhaustion.  When we look at the compass of our lives and change direction to follow our personal 'north,' we gain a tremendous amount of energy that relieves the unnatural craving for food that so many of us struggle with.  I know that diet and exercise are also key, but I think that finding the path in life that is true to yourself is what makes all of the gears fit together the way they are supposed to and helps your life run smoothly. 

Anyway, if you feel that you are more likely to keep to your resolutions if you record them somewhere, you can go to www.43things.com.  You can even set it up so that they send you an email to remind you about your resolutions.  If you prefer a smaller community and some feedback from me or from other readers, you can post a comment here on the blog to share what your goals, resolutions, or dreams are. 

A Journey into the Attic

It's amazing what you'll find when you venture into an attic, right?  Yesterday I delved into about ten boxes full of books that I've been storing in my grandmother's attic since I don't really have a good place to put them at the moment.  You would not believe what I came out with!  Here's the list of titles (and I only carried out the ones that resonated with my current path of self-discovery and actualization:

"The Seven Storey Mountain" by Thomas Merton
"Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom
"Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman
"Where Have all the Leaders Gone?" by Lee Iacocca
"The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living" by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D.
"The Shepherd" by Matthew Kelly
"Work It! (How to Get Ahead, Save Your Ass, and Land a Job in Any Economy" by Allison Hemming
"Contemplative Prayer: a Guide for Today's Catholic" by James Borst, M.H.M.
"Our Iceberg Is Melting: Changing and Succeeding Under Any Conditions" by John Kotter
"Nuestras Sombras" (title translated: Our Shadows) by María Teresa Budge
"The New Guide to Relaxation," no author listed, published by Parragon Publishing
"The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne
"El Arma de Vida" (title translated: the Weapon of Life) by Jérôme Camilly and Jacques Normand

Then, there are the books that I already had in my apartment:

"What Color Is Your Parachute 2007" by Richard Nelson Bolles
"Reading Like a Writer" by Francine Prose
"How I Write" by Janet Evanovich with Ina Yalof

"The Go-Getter Girl's Guide: Get What You Want in Work and Life (and Look Great While You're at It)" by Debra Shigley

"Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career for You Through the Secrets of Personality Type" by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron

"10-10-10 (10 Minutes, 10 Months, 10 Years): a Fast and Powerful Way to Get Unstuck in Love, at Work, and at Home" by Suzy Welch

"Delaying the Real World: A Twentysomething's Guide to Seeking Adventure" by Colleen Kinder

"On Becoming Fearless... in Love, Work, and Life" by Arianna Huffington

"The Writing Diet: Write Yourself Right-Size" by Julia Cameron

And then, there are the books that I had stashed at my mom's house:
"My Reality Check Bounced! The Twentysomething's Guide to Cashing In on Your Real-World Dreams" by Jason Ryan Dorsey
"100 Best Careers for Writers and Artists" by Shelly Field
"Get a Freelance Life" by Margit Feury Ragland
"The Artist's Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity" by Julia Cameron

Finally, the books that I had in my purse are:

"The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin

"I Could do Anything if I Only Knew What It Was" by Barbara Sher with Barbara Smith

"Philosophy: a Beginner's Guide to the Ideas of 100 Great Thinkers" by Jeremy Harwood

"La Bambina In Fondo Al Mare" (translated title: The Girl at the Bottom of the Sea) by Silvana Gandolfi

The purple font indicates the titles that I purchased just a couple of months ago when I decided (for the last time) to get serious about where I am meant to go in life.  I got all the other books at different times, ranging from my childhood (the titles in Spanish) to last December ("The Artist's Way").  My reason for choosing most of these titles for this endeavor is obvious.  A few books might not clearly present any guidance in the 'what will I do for the rest of my life' department, but I carefully selected them, each for its own special reason.   For example, "El Arma de Vida" was given to my sister and me by our sensei when we were taking karate lessons and, although I never got around to reading it then, it was a special gift that sensei Pepe did not give to any other students.  I somehow feel like there is something in that book that I should read.  "Nuestras Sombras," on the other hand, was one of my favorite books when I was little.  It had such a strong hold on me that when I was in college I looked for it online and ordered it again, even though I am now an adult and "should" be interested in more advanced pieces of literature.  I picked it up now because I know it will tell me something about the 'me' that I've always been.  Reading through it as an adult will allow me to consciously think about what made me love it so much when I was younger. 

Looking at this list certainly reveals quite about me:
-I am interested in finding and pursuing the path in life that will fulfill me the most
-I enjoy reading and am interested in writing
-My Catholic faith provides a framework for my life and is part of every piece of my life.
-I am interested in achieving something good and fulfilling in life that will bring happiness and peace to my life, which can be translated to mean that I am not in it for the money, the fame, the power...
-I am conscious of my health and "size," but truly believe that weight is connected to more than just a treadmill and my refrigerator.
-I am an artist in some way.
-I want to have some adventure in my life.
-I approach things in a very personal and sometimes odd way (you might not notice this, but I do considering that I really don't speak much Italian at all, but I am trying to learn more by throwing myself straight into full books). 
-I am interested in larger thoughts and philosophies. 
-I can only delve into a subject by both attacking it directly and exploring everything that it is connected to.

Wow!  I never thought of just looking at my bookshelf to learn about myself.  Now I'm thinking I should take another trip into the attic to see what else I can find out about myself from the rest of my book collection.

In terms of planning, that is over thirty books (the ones listed above plus the books that my aunt recommended, which I still have to pick up) that I would like to look into during this journey I am on.  I am beginning to think that this will be more like an odyssey than a weekend getaway, but that is fine with me.  I am young, I enjoy my job, I am having fun with my life, and I am pretty healthy.  I have a thousand things to be grateful for and a thousand things that make me happy.  Embarking on this journey is making me happy.  Remember what people say:  happiness is the journey, not the destination.  So, how will my journey take shape?  I am still not exactly sure of that, but I feel like I am getting closer to figuring it out.

Are you happy where you are?  Do you have time to invest in your journey or will you approach this like and Olympian running the 100 meter dash?  The answer to that question will definitely help you decide how to shape your search.  Now, what have you done to find out what your dream is or to pursue it if you already know what it is?  If you are still stuck, maybe you, too, need to take a trip to your attic or bedroom or wherever you keep your books and find out a little about yourself.  You don't have any books?  Well, that right there tells you something about yourself.  What do you have?  What are your treasured possessions?  Explore those and see what you find out about yourself.  Pretend that you are looking at a stranger's things and trying to learn about that person from their things without ever having met them. 

As always, please feel free to share your comments on your own experiences, books, or any thoughts that you have on the subject.  

A Plan

Good Morning!

I've noticed from several books and movies (e.g. "The Happiness Project" and "Julie and Julia") that blogs often have a plan of action that drives them.  My blog has a sense of action and a purpose of encouragement behind it right now, but I've begun to think that I should figure out a plan of action for my search.  I think that it will help me structure both my journey and the blog's development. 

There are several things that I wish I'd incorporate more consistently into the structure of my life (mainly prayer, exercise, and time dedicated to keeping my life in order) which, although not directly related to finding my path in life, will help clear the way of the extraneous clutter that distracts me from that search.  Also, there are quite a few books that I want to work with so that I can get information from several sources and see what resonates with me personally.  I think over the next few days I am going to try to come up with a more structured plan for how to proceed. 

Do you have any thoughts or suggestions?  Is there anything that has helped you or that you think you would include if you were embarking on this journey right now?  Have you gone through a process like this or do you think you will at some point?  Please, post comments and share your experience and thoughts.

Taking time for friends.

Last night I had a beautiful semi-unplanned dinner party.  It was a small affair (just five of us), but one of my close friends came over early in the afternoon and together we shopped for all sorts of fresh vegetables that struck our fancy and then took it all back to my apartment and spent the rest of the day cooking, talking, and laughing.  By the time everyone was at my place we had a beautiful mushroom risotto, potato-stuffed italian peppers, and tomato-zucchini au gratin.  We served water and wine and then tea after dinner.  I cut up some fresh fruit while my friend and her boyfriend took over the kitchen and washed, dried, and put away everything we'd used to make/serve dinner.  It was wonderful. 

Then at some point I was thinking about the blog and that I hadn't yet posted for yesterday.  And then it dawned on me.  At that point, spending that time with friends was more important.  What could I possibly have to share with you that could not wait until today? 

Friendship is such a blessing in life.  Whether, as I do,  you believe that God sends people across your path in life or you believe that you simply meet people by chance, no one can argue that a good friendship just happens by chance.  If you're lucky enough to have even one good friend (and I should mention that I suspect that anyone reading this is one of mine), it is important to spend time with him or her, or them, whether in person, or at least check in with them on the phone every once in a while. 

I have read that the dynamic of friendship is a little different for men, but I'm talking about a kind of person that I hope everyone has in their life.  I'm talking about the kind of person that you can really talk to, share your dreams with.  This person might be your spouse or significant other; after all, I've noticed that a lot of brides gush that they are so lucky that they are about to marry their best friend.  Think of who this person is for you.  I have been blessed to have several in my life and even more blessed to know that they will be there for a very long time. 

This all sounds very obvious, I am sure, but I wanted to dedicate a post to this topic because I believe that sometimes we think that finding our path is a solitary job, and the truth is that, while each one of us has everything we need to eventually find our way through life within us, the people who are close to us, both friends and family, know us and see who we are without being tangled in our thoughts.  We also share things in common with them, which makes it easier to highlight some of our own characteristics to ourselves.  Finally, because they care about us, our family and friends will offer us their own insights and ideas.  For example, when my aunt read the first post of my blog she sent me an email suggesting that I look up books by Marcus Buckingham, who writes about finding your strengths.  I was thankful because, even though I own several books already that focus on finding out what the reader would be most fulfilled doing in life, I have no idea where the answer might come from for me.  Seeing that these books come with my aunt's personal recommendation, and remembering that she just went through her own period of searching for her path in life not too long ago, gave the books tremendous value for me in my search. 

Maybe our friends and family don't know every tiny thing that there is to know about us.  Maybe they don't know how we would enjoy specific jobs.  However, they love us and they know us well enough to help steer us in the right direction and to support us while we pursue our dreams. 

So, there I was last night, laughing with friends, realizing how blessed I am to have them, and also learning little things about myself along the way.  For example, although I love flying, I hope that at some point I won't be flying as much as I am now because being home where I can meet up with friends on a regular basis is something very important to me. 

Setbacks

One of the first things that popped into my head this morning when I woke up was: "Oh, no! I forgot to post on the blog yesterday!"  Now that this has become a daily thing, I was quite upset that, in spite of remembering several times throughout the day at moments when I could not sit down and write, I ultimately was tired last night and forgot to post.  I was still pretty tired when I realized what had happened this morning, not to mention the dampening effect that my new realization had on my positive energy, so I went back to sleep.  A couple of hours later I finally felt rested enough to face the day and how I would deal with my slip-up.

I began to think about it and quickly remembered that this blog is something that I started for me, to help me with my search.  Obviously I want it to help others as well, or else it would just be a journal.  In a selfish sort of way, having readers gives me more incentive to write every day.  You are my accountability.  Next, I remembered that I've been fighting some sort of bug for the past few days, which has drained me of some of my normal energy.  In my mind, being sick definitely qualifies as a good reason for a little slip-up.  Then, I realized that it would be quite easy to decide how to react to my mistake as I only really had two options.  I could accept that I forgot to write yesterday and learn something from it (which conveniently gave me something to write about in today's post), or I could let one little slip-up discourage me from writing today's post and turn into an even bigger setback than it needed to be. 

As you can see, I opted to minimize the effect of the mistake, and now I think I uncovered a new tactic to put into my dream-seeking toolbox.  Now I know that if I make a mistake or have a setback, usually it will be much easier to put it into perspective and learn a valuable lesson from it than to let it get me down and discourage me from continuing on my quest.  I also learned that most mistakes are not the end of the world, it is only our expectations of ourselves that cause us to blow them out of proportion and act as though they are much more serious than they need to be. 

We feel that we shouldn't make mistakes now that we are adults, when the truth is that without mistakes, there is no growth.  You cannot strive for anything new without the risk of messing something up along the way.  Can you imagine if birds just gave up trying to flap their wings when they fall to the ground on their first attempt at flight? Can you imagine how modern medicine might have developed differently if Alexander Fleming had taken care of his petri dishes in a way that would have prevented the penicillin mold from mistakenly growing in one of them? And can you imagine what effect it would have had if he had just cleaned the dishes immediately instead of paying closer attention to notice the effect that the mold had?  Mistakes are a part of every being's existence, save for God's.  It is in our nature and it is something that we can allow to discourage us or allow to encourage us.  A mistake is an opportunity for learning and it is a reminder that we are growing. 

What are your thoughts?  Do you experience the same sort of self-judgment when you make a mistake, whether it is big or small?  How do you deal with setbacks?

I hope the sun is shining as brightly where you are as it is for me today, and I look forward to reading your comments!

Just a little note about attitude.

Hello there!

How are you feeling today?  I think I'm getting a cold, but still I'd have to say that my day has been going quite well.  I woke up before my alarm even went off this morning.  Usually the alarm goes off and I snooze at least twice before actually dragging myself out of bed.  Then, I am always tempted to procrastinate getting ready for the day by starting with breakfast or email rather than jumping in the shower right away.  The result is that I usually (ok, always) end up running late and rushing around at the last second to get out the door with enough time to get to work.  I really don't like being late.  I don't enjoy the stress that comes from running around the way I do.  And I don't think anyone benefits from the frazzled disposition that sticks with me for a few hours after this morning episode, not to mention my crankiness when I get tired earlier in the day after not sleeping enough the night before.  Do you have any similar episodes in your daily life that in some way hijack your disposition?


I came to learn a secret one day last December.  I was flying a three day domestic trip that took me zigzagging all over the US, into and out of various storms that were afflicting the nation.  We were dealing with weather delays, which meant dealing with cranky passengers.  A Flight Attendant is commonly said to be "the face" of the company.  This means that I represent my company more than, for example, the ramp agents or the dispatchers who rarely come in contact with passengers.  This is a big responsibility because it means that, not only is it my job to be courteous and friendly to passengers but, it is also my job to listen to them while they voice their frustration, concerns, questions, anxiety, and sometimes even anger, without taking it personally or getting upset with them.  Not only that, but I am expected to respond to these outbursts in a kind, reassuring, and helpful way, even if that is to refer them to our website so they can make a complaint about our airline.  If you are thinking that this can be a challenge, you are right.  If you are thinking that it would be even more difficult for me to handle these situations the right way when I am also tired and cranky, you have nailed it.


That takes me back to the trip I was mentioning.  Amid dealing with all of the passenger concerns on a day when there were many, I got on the plane to work a flight from Atlanta to New York (probably one of the flights on which you'll find the most collective frustration at any given point).  As the passengers started boarding and I tried to delude myself into thinking it could still be a good flight, the captain walked out of the flight deck and into my first class cabin.  There, while I was making drinks in the galley, I heard him start chatting with my passengers.  I imagine he was explaining the delay and that we would still make it to New York close to on-time.  Then, I heard laughter.  I peeked around and found that it was like a little club.  The captain was joking around and the passengers enthusiastically responded to his sense of humor.  Next, the captain went to the boarding door and started chatting and joking with passengers as they got on the plane and even made some announcements.  He was hilarious, and he quickly became the life of the party.  People all throughout the aircraft were laughing at his jokes and, because the captain said things in such a funny and good humored way, the passengers actually paid attention and cooperated with all of his requests.  I couldn't believe it.  Even I was smiling and laughing my way through the cabin.


I thought about that episode throughout the flight and even after the flight and realized that this captain did not allow the general mood on his airplane to get him down.  He didn't even let it chase him into hiding in the flight deck (which he very well could have  done and no one would have questioned him for).  Rather, he brought his own positive outlook and good energy onto the plane and infected everyone around him with the same sense of fun.  He put people at ease, which made the whole flight more pleasant for everyone.  BINGO! That's what I had to do.  I might not be funny in that stand-up comedian sort of way that he was, but I could be pleasant and smile and be bubbly.  Sometimes it felt like my energy was sapped and that took some effort.  But when I stopped to think, I realized that it takes much less effort to put on a smile and act as though everything is wonderful when you don't feel like it than it is to deal with a plane full of frustrated passengers pulling at you from every direction.  Any effort that I put into my attitude would spread and make people more pleasant towards me.  I decided that the results were well worth the effort.


So, here I am, months later, convinced that the technique works.  I can honestly say that on days when I let the world affect my mood I have a far worse day than when I set out to be peppy and happy regardless of what is happening around me.  I have better and worse days, but I strive to make my outlook as positive as possible.  Sometimes I find people that are more like that old version of me, people that let things get to them, and I just try to be nice to them and happy around them and (if I can't make their mood better) just let their negativity slide right past me without infecting me.  Attitude really is infectious, but it is also a skill.  If you don't practice controlling your attitude, the world will dictate how you feel.  The more you practice having a positive outlook (even when you're not convinced that it will work), the better you get at it.


Ultimately, since I started to think seriously and honestly about where I want to go in life and what would be fulfilling to me, I've had a tremendous spike in energy.  However, I do have to give credit to my new approach of choosing to have a positive attitude for not allowing that spike in energy to be dampened when I encounter negativity around me.  What are your experiences with attitude?  Do you have a different technique that you use to keep the negativity that sometimes surrounds you from affecting your mood?  Is there some other trigger that causes a shift in your mood?  Please feel free to share.  I'm fumbling around in this quest to find what makes me truly happy just as much as any of you might be.  Through your comments we can all learn from each other.


Thanks for reading.  Please post a comment!


Kim

It's a beautiful day!

Whether it's bright and sunny or rainy and gray wherever you wake up this morning, let it be a beautiful day.  Here is U2's "Beautiful Day" for you to enjoy!

The Road Less Travelled vs. the HOV Lane

I keep looking at the title of my blog and thinking about the concept of the road.  According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary, the word "road" comes from the old English for "ride" or "journey."  We take this word for granted in our lives, thinking of it in two distinct ways: one is the physical path that we use to travel from one place to another, the other is the metaphorical path that we use to travel through life's circumstances, each decision being equivalent to coming to a crossroads and choosing which way to go. 

Of course everyone knows clearly that the word "road" can be interpreted in these two ways.  The thing that interests me today is how these roads have evolved and the relationship between the physical and the symbolical roads in our lives.  Think of physical roads and our methods of transporting ourselves on them.  Can you imagine sitting in a carriage drawn by horses for a long journey?

As recently as 1910, a stagecoach would only travel fifteen miles per hour (see footnote if interested).  At that speed, it would take almost six and a half hours to travel from Philadelphia to New York.  And these were the days before cell phones and the Internet, not to mention that the ride was probably too uncomfortable to sleep through.  Think about what it would be like to travel even farther?  The point is, people used to have time to look out and observe the road they were on and think.  If you were travelling after a storm maybe a tree would have fallen across the road, forcing you to go around a different way.  Plans were a little more fluid to account for the unpredictability of the journey. 

Railroads, automobiles, highways, and airplanes quickly followed and changed the concept of travel altogether.  Now you go from point A to point B as quickly as possible on a cemented highway that might even have walls on each side.  The walls are meant to block the road noise from nearby communities, but they also block your view of the places that you travel through.  If you catch a flight it’s even faster, but then you completely eliminate the option of stopping along the way or taking a different route and, as I have observed on my flights, you are probably too absorbed by your computer to look out through the window or stop, relax, and spend some time with yourself, reflecting. 

Now think about how a person’s personal journey through life might take shape.  In the early 1900’s one might not have had many options in life.  The farther back in history you look, the fewer options people had.  If you were born to a merchant you would take over the family business an increase (or at least maintain) your family’s wealth.  If you were born to a miner you would probably not be educated and would go to work in the mine, maybe even while you were still a very young child.  If you were a woman, forget it, your options were even fewer.  Fast forward to 2011.  Regardless of what your parents do for a living, you can do whatever you want to do in life.  This has been drilled into us since we were kids.  We know that we can go to college and choose our field of study, go for advanced degrees, and forge our path in life. 

The million dollar question is: What is my path in life?  In this society of highways we are so goal oriented that we miss seeing the smaller paths.  We see the big highways of law, business, education, and other fields.  Don’t get me wrong, these are great paths for some people to take, the people whose passion it is to work in them.  However, in a world full of diversity, the “profession pool,” as I like to call it, should reflect this diversity.  Maybe the path that will be the most rewarding for you or for me will be a smaller path, one that is less noticeable to the public eye and that feels, in some ways, like it was custom-fitted.  I think we need to take some time to disconnect from media highways and go explore some smaller roads and reflect on what moves us individually. 

I’ll leave you with a poem by Robert Frost that I think captures the essence of what I am trying to convey:

The Road Not Taken (1915)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

1 Indispensable Railroads in a Backward Economy: The Case of Mexico
John H. Coatsworth
The Journal of Economic History, Vol. 39, No. 4. (Dec., 1979), pp. 945.
Stable URL:
http://links.jstor.org/sici?sici=0022-0507%28197912%2939%3A4%3C939%3AIRIABE%3E2.0.CO%3B2-O 

Perspective

"Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right."  ~Henry Ford

This has to be one of my favorite quotes, and why shouldn't it?  It truly leaves it all up to you... That, of course leads straight into another quote:

"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you."  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 So here we are, on Friday morning, and two of the greatest American minds are telling you to get up and go reach for the stars.  Isn't that a great feeling?  Think about it.  Henry Ford started Ford motors and is even credited with starting "Fordism," wherein he mass produced cars, making them affordable while at the same time affording his workers with high wages.  Isn't that something we wish was a part of our world today?  We hear so much about the economy and unemployment and we sometimes even hear about underemployment on the news channels.  Wouldn't it be great if we had more Henry Fords in our world today?  These wouldn't all necessarily be business people, because it really has nothing to do with business.  These would be thinkers: people who use their faculties and talents to their fullest ability, people who as Ralph Waldo Emerson said "make the most of [themselves]."  

So, what's stopping you?  If you're thinking that you don't even know what direction you're headed in, then that is now your new project.  Learn about yourself like you would get to know an interesting friend.  You have  special qualities that no one else has exactly the way you do.  Think of the human genetic code.  Each person's DNA is composed of just 46 chromosomes, arranged in only 23 pairs.  Just 46 chromosomes have determined so much about you, from your eye color to your intelligence quotient.  Just as each person has a slightly different combination of physical features that makes them unique, so too each person has a unique intellect made up of his or her way of thinking, perspective of the world, and interests.  Nobody else can do exactly what you are meant to do.  Nobody else can live your life, your dream.  

If you know where you're going but don't know how to get there, take a look around.  Most people don't know how to get where they are going.  Maybe you need to find a map in someone else's experiences.   Find someone that has gone somewhere similar and learn about them.  Maybe you need to stop and ask for directions from a whole bunch of people that might each get you just a little bit closer.  Maybe you're one of those people who just needs to focus and figure it out for yourself.  How is your sense of "dream direction?"  Try to take some time to stop and take stock.  Where are you?  Where do you want to go?  Will your first step be to figure that out?  Do you already have an idea of where you want to go?  What do you think is the next step to walk along your path?  

There are a lot of questions to answer.  Remember that these are the questions that only you can answer.   Also remember that these are empowering questions.  Make the most of yourself while you think about the answers.
 
Happy Friday! 
:o)