The Path Unchosen

I do not believe in destiny.

However, I do believe that you learn things in a roundabout way.  What began with a detailed rigid year-long plan is evolving.  I am still sticking with my reading, though other books creep into the mix and I am not really "on" a schedule anymore.  I am learning that my plan to "figure out already" what I want to be when I grow up, has developed into a journey of searching for who I am in my core and a journey of self-improvement in every way.  I suppose that the only way to grow healthily is to grow as a whole.  I think that is why I cannot simply grow in my career path without growing in other aspects such as my health and my personality.  I cannot discover where my career path is leading me until I know the person that is walking that path.

I am sure this sounds a little strange, but every animal knows its own nature and I am seeking out mine.  For example, I've always wanted to take care of my health and I've always loved food, but I now know there was a disconnect between the two.  I recently began a (gasp...) diet.  It is called the Flat Belly Diet and it was created by the people at Prevention magazine.  Diets are not my thing; I've always strongly opposed the concept of dieting (having seen people go on crazy regimens like drinking cayenne pepper water and cabbage soup).  Having taken a nutrition class and participated in a nutrition program before, I know enough about nutrition to tell that this plan is healthy and balanced.  It is also (even in just the five days that I've been following it so far) teaching me a lot about my relationship with food.

I finally realized that I have issues with grazing and with portion sizes and, most importantly, that I need to plan in advance when and what I am going to eat.  If I allow myself to get to the point of being hungry and do not have a meal planned, my brain simply stops functioning.  I can work myself into a total frenzy not knowing what I feel like eating, because really my body just needs fuel at that point, any fuel.  I delay giving it fuel because I'm trying to figure out what I want to eat, and that's where I end up eating three times the amount of food that I need, especially considering that I tend to eat very quickly.  The Flat Belly Diet is teaching me to be mindful of my body's energy levels and relationship to food.  That, and it's promising that I'll lose a couple of inches in my waist, which is all I need to feel completely comfortable in my maid of honor dress next month!

The interesting thing is that at first, when I fell behind on my reading schedule, I felt very stressed out about it and was hoping to "catch up." Now, I've learned that life does not work on a schedule.  We choose which roads to turn onto in life, but there are no guarantees that they lead where we think they do.  Then it is up to us to learn something from where the path has taken us and decide whether it's a path worth following or whether our calling is to take another turn onto another path. 

The path I chose has wound around from career to body and self.  I have learned that I need to take care of my body (and my spirit) much more carefully than I have in the past.   I need to feed myself well, give my body and my mind enough time to rest and recreate, take away from the things that are stressful (especially those out of my control), and stop trying to do everything to be the perfect friend, daughter, employee, and person.  My new priorities are to be faith-filled and connected with God and my faith, to be good to myself (body, mind, and spirit), and to be a good daughter, girlfriend, friend, employee, and person. 

I am done with trying to do everything always for everyone.  I am now going to try and take care of me first.  Of course I will still love my family and friends and be there for them.  I don't think too much will change in that department.  I just need to be a good friend to myself as well.

JMJ