"The Happiness Project:" Reflections

Yay! I have completed the first official step of my plan.  I have finished reading Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.  As I outlined in my plan for the year, here is a mix of thoughts that I got out of reading the book. 

First of all, her project, though different in focus than mine, is at the heart of what I am doing and at the heart of what every human being aspires for: Happiness.  Gretchen Rubin explains in the beginning of the book that she was on a city bus when she realized that she was not focusing on the things that matter most in life and that time doesn't stop ticking for anyone to catch up.  So, she dedicated a year to her 'happiness project:' a search for the nature of happiness and the practical application of resolutions that would bring more happiness into her life.  She focused on a different area of her life each month and set resolutions for herself to become a better and happier person.  In the book, she recounts her journey and elaborates on what she discovered during that year. 

Here are some of the things that I underlined as I read and why they made me think:

• "You manage what you measure."  What an excellent point.  I've made resolutions and set goals on countless occasions and now I can't even remember what they were.  Gretchen states in her book that her resolution chart, with which she kept track of her success in keeping resolutions, was key to her overall success in her happiness project.  I think that I will somehow incorporate a resolution chart into my daily life, to keep track of things that matter but that I am not naturally inclined to do.  Heck! Just keeping track of how many desserts I eat would probably have a tremendous effect on my life.  

• "To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth."  This is what Gretchen calls her "first splendid truth" and I can see why.  She really has captured the essence of happiness in this statement. 

• "'Feeling right'... was the feeling that I'm living the life I'm supposed to lead... 'Feeling right' is about living the life that is right for you." This is something that I need to learn.  I am one of those "nice" people that want to please the people they care about.  I know that anyone who knows me is probably thinking that this is only true once you get past my stubbornness, but the truth is that when someone I care about deeply says something important, it is very hard for me to go against that.  With this journey that I am embarking on, I aim to find out what is right for me in the depths of my soul and the confines of my mind.  I am sure that the advice that I've received from my loved ones is very close and fits very well with my personal nature, but at some point you have to take what others tell you and then go deeper into yourself to find out how that resounds with what you know but maybe can't verbalize. 

• "It turns out that the happy outperform the less happy." Another thing Gretchen mentioned (I can't remember where exactly to quote it) is that people who donate time and money to charity tend to be more successful and make more money than people who do not get involved in charity.  Moreover, making others happy generally makes us happy.  So, with this giant vicious circle of benevolence and success and happiness, what is stopping us all from taking stock of our lives?

• "I'd decided to do what I wanted to do, and I ignored options that, no matter how enticing they might be for other people, weren't right for me." Ding, ding, ding! The fact that Gretchen used to clerk for Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day-O'Connor and then decided that she really wanted to shift her career and become an author absolutely encourages me in what I am doing!

• A quote from Herman Hesse: "Happiness is a how; not a what.  A talent, not an object." This reminds me of my post on attitude.  It really is so true!

• A quote from a comment that Gretchen received on her blog: "Knowing what you admire in others is a wonderful mirror into your deepest, as yet unborn, self."  This person was explaining that the qualities that you admire in others are qualities that are part of you but that you have not yet developed.  It's tremendously encouraging to think that all those qualities that you look up to others for possessing are already within you just waiting for you to tend to them and develop them in your life!

• A quote from St. Therese of Lisieux: "Love proves itself by deeds, so how am I to show my love?  Great deeds are forbidden me.   The only way I can prove my love is by... every little sacrifice, every glance and word, and the doing of the least actions for love."  I love St. Therese!  How can you not be inspired by a young girl who possessed so much wisdom?  I don't know yet if the deeds that I will do in my lifetime will be great or small, but knowing that Therese became a saint through such small deeds gives me hope that no matter what the size of deeds I am destined to do, I can make a difference and inspire others. 

• A quote from G. K. Chesterton: "It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light." So thought-provoking.

• "The belief that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided.  It's more selfless to act happy.  It takes energy, generosity, and discipline to be unfailingly lighthearted, yet everyone takes the happy person for granted."  I've never really thought of trying to be happy as a selfish thing to do, but I didn't think of it as a selfless thing to do either.  Reading this statement really made me appreciate so much more those people that I encounter that are happy all the time, and made me want to emulate that disposition.

• "The satisfaction gained from the achievement of a large undertaking is one of the most substantial that life affords."  And so, I set out on a year-long project full of deadlines that I know will challenge me every day. 

• "I needed to accept my own nature-yet I needed to push myself as well.  This seemed contradictory, but in my heart, I knew the difference between lack of interest and fear of failure."  Fear of failure can destroy your biggest accomplishments before you even undertake them.  This is not something that I want to allow to dominate my life.  I want to be like the Rockefeller family, whose members I've heard are not afraid of trying anything they set their minds to.   I want to be true to myself, develop and utilize the talents that God gave me, and find and do whatever it is that I feel I am meant to do.

• "I've read repeatedly that it takes twenty-one days to form a habit, but in my experience that just isn't true."  This struck me because I did not know there was a scientific conclusion about how long it takes to form a habit.  Even though it didn't really work for Gretchen with her food diary, I hope that it will give me a good frame of reference for when I set a resolution that I want to turn into a habit, and I hope that the science will hold true in my case. 

• "The feeling of control is an essential element of happiness-a better predictor of happiness than, say, income.  Having a feeling of autonomy, of being able to choose what happens in your life or how you spend your time, is crucial."  This is interesting because I am already in such tight control of so many aspects of my life that I am now seeking to find the right balance in finding what to exercise control over and what to relax about.  Then again, I suppose I am now talking about controlling what I control, so maybe she is right. 

• "You hit a goal, you keep a resolution... With resolutions, the expectations are different.  Each day I try to live up to my resolutions.  Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but every day is a clean slate and a fresh opportunity."  Basically, you can fail at a goal and that's it, you failed.  With a resolution, there is new hope every day.  

• "The days are long, but the years are short."  I think Gretchen would now agree with me in adding that this is only true if you allow it to be so.

• "You're not happy unless you think you're happy."  It's all in our minds.  

• "Best is good, better is best."  So stop being such a perfectionist! (That goes for me more than anyone else, most likely).

• "Outer order contributes to inner calm."  Ah, something I always aspire to achieve and usually stress out about failing miserably with.  I'm wondering when I'll have a day when I don't have four million things to do other than organizing my space.  Gretchen, do you want to come clean my closet?

• "Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have."  I'd have to admit that I want what I have to a large degree, but I still want more and want less in different areas of my life.  Mostly, I want this search that I am doing now, and that, I can confidently say, I have.  

• "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do."  So, time to get my head out of the clouds because, realistically, I do not want the responsibility, stress, criticism, and lack of freedom that comes with the job of being the president of the United States.  Yes, for those of you who do not know me, my dream when I was in middle school and even high school was to become the first female US president.  Aside from the fact that I'm sure that, even if I went full steam ahead in that direction, someone would surely beat me to it, I now realize that I would not actually enjoy being in that position.

 Am I happy?  Am I in control of my life?  Am I doing what is right for me?  Gretchen Rubin's book really does address anything you could think of that surrounds the concept and reality of happiness.  It is very easy to read and relate to.  It is impossible to walk away from without gathering some new perspective on your own life.  The book helped me understand the nature of my search and the importance that my own personal journey has in my present life as well as for my future.  It is not a career book, which is great because it will make you think of all the different aspects of your life.  However, if you think you are in the wrong career, or the wrong job in the right career, or the right job at the right time but that something else needs to come after this job, Gretchen Rubin's book will also have an invaluable amount of wisdom for you because she has made the shift in her own life and, more importantly, because any shift in your career will have a direct effect on your happiness. 

Mostly, I think what I learned from "The Happiness Project" is to trust my instincts and to keep track of my progress.  Did you read the book?  Do you have any thoughts along these lines?  I'd love to read any comments you might have!